Just a matter of time!!!

A policeman has never had cause to come to our house. When I say “our” I mean my husband and I. For someone who had never been visited by the police I was surprisingly calm. I guess it was ‘cause I knew why they had come or maybe ‘cause I knew there would be no problem. My husband, Danny, had gone to get the door. I cranked the door to the bedroom open a little so I could hear what they were saying.


“Afternoon sir, we are from the New York police department. We got a call from one of your neighbors who claims to have heard noise coming from your apartment. Is everything ok?” asked the cop.

“Yeah everything is alright” Danny replied.

“Are you the only one in there sir?”

“Uhmmm... no, my wife is inside”

“You’ll have to excuse us sir, we’d like to look around and see if everything or rather everyone is ok”

“O… o…ok!”

He must have shown Danny a form of identification because I’m sure he wouldn’t have let him without one. I hurriedly got up and put a veil over my face. Contrary to your thoughts I’m not a Muslim and I’m one who loves to show off her assets but this time I needed one of my assets hidden. I came out to meet the cop before he could get into the bedroom.

“Is there a problem officer?”

“Yes ma’am we got a call from one of your neighbors about a possible case of domestic violence and we are here to make sure everything is okay.” The cop, who looked rather stunning, said calmly.

I looked at Danny, he was scared stiff. Though it wasn’t obvious, I could see it in his eyes. They were begging me not to give him up. I smiled, this by all means was an opportunity to get back at him for all he had been doing to me. The beatings had started a month after we got married and had continued but it had gotten out of hand earlier in the day. Normally when the beating starts, I’ll start pleading with him and won’t raise a finger. I guess I had had enough and I raised more than a finger, I slapped him. Immediately I knew I was dead meat. His whole body changed. He was like a werewolf at a full moon with the way he viciously lunged at me. Fire coming out of his nostrils, well that’s what his breaths felt like, fire, as he pummeled my whole body. It took me 10minutes to escape from him but I eventually locked myself in the bedroom. We had knocked things over and I was screaming my head off as he had landed blow after blow on my whole body. The cops arrived 5minutes later. I had peeped through the bedroom window and told him. You’d never have guessed he was the same person beating me up minutes ago. He started pleading, hitting the door for me to let him in so he could apologize. Prison seemed liked hell on earth to him, who can blame him. The hefty men in the pen would, in no time, turn his butt to a pin cushion and their JTs would be thick pins. He had begged till we had heard the knock at the door.

I looked at the cop and said almost inaudibly, “Everything is alright”. As near inaudible as it was, Danny heard and collapsed into the chair overcome with relief.

I wasn’t scared of Danny. And heaven knows I didn’t pity him one bit. When the cop asked me the question all I could think of were his hands, magical hands I call them. They had the power to numb any pain I had in my body. I thought of his body. The mixture of sweat and cologne has always and would always appeal to the woman in me. His eyes that begged for me to hold on and never let go. His strong arms that made me beg for him never to let go. The sensation that runs through me every time we made love. Heaven knows James was the only reason I didn’t put Danny in jail. You see, James is our gardener, who was working that summer so he could go to college when school resumed in fall… I couldn’t put him out of work just to be comfortable. To be frank he was the one making me comfortable, making me feel loved. One day he won’t need Danny anymore. At that moment that very day, I’ll strike and bite Danny hard. Even if he doesnt attack me, I'll provoke him. Until then I’ll be his punching bag.

The cops left and I looked at Danny… it’s just a matter of time before you become a pin cushion. With that I picked some clothes and my car keys. James darling, get magical hands ready, mama's coming.

My fears!!!

One kind of fear that exists in me


Is that the next moment I won’t see

That every second might be the last

That my dear life would end so fast

That I’ll too early be dead

Is one thing I really dread.



The second of my many fears

Is that I won’t, no matter what, succeed

Even if I live for many years

That failure is a kind of life I’ll lead

That I won’t make a tangible difference

That my long life won’t make any sense…



Another fear I diligently harbor

Is that if I do find success’ door

And I’m intelligent enough to open it

And I’m lucky enough to enter it

Will I let and help others come with me

Will I create and open other doors freely…



Yet another of my numerous fears is this

Will my parents be able to say out loud,

That truly I have made them proud

Will they praise and cheer me with ease?

Or will I be a mistake as their child

Will I be one classified as bad and wild?



My fears don’t end there

If I succeed in helping others

Will I be able to train my children?

Will they be pillars amongst their brethren?

Will I be among the successful fathers?

This is just another fear…



But the one fear that drowns all these

The one that truly gives me peace

One that I have harbored for years

One that towers over my other fears

The other fears are like kennels to me

This one is like a sky scraper you see…



It is the fear of the Almighty

The One who created me

As long as this fear doesn’t decrease

I know the others won’t increase

And if through my life it goes undiminished

Then I do believe it is mission accomplished!!!







proudly written by... R.j...

Tales by phone light or computer light

Today marked the fourth week I’ve been attending classes. Sociology is one course I love so much (that’s cause it looks easy). The class was lively as usual, especially when the instructor asked us this question “if you were given excess change that and we didn’t return it should that be considered stealing?” A guy said, “maybe they want you to tell people that they are giving money at so-so place so people can flood the place.” Now I laughed heartily not only cause it was funny but then he was right… What’s my bizness if the cashier has issues with math. Or itz his buyday and he’z giving out money to celebrate it If he was silly enough to give me plus change, chances are he won’t even notice and everybody ends up happy… Notice I kept saying he? Well with a she, if she is sooooo fortunate to be good looking, she wouldn’t have the problem with me in the first place cuz I’d have told her to keep the change… and if the greenz are kinda low then I wouldn’t want a pretty laydee to get into trouble… you never can tell (*winks*) but if she’s.. you know na… then she must be punished… lol.. ok.. seriously… I personally would return the excess change… my mind no go rest… cuz hey I wuz ready to part with the money in the first place so why not just free ur mind… you get? Believe me I no holy pass ooo…


Ok.. that aside.. I didn’t come out my temporary writing retirement (why are you laughing? Drawing’s been taking lotta my spare tym so technically I temporarily retired from writing... need I tell you what's been taking my "unspare time"?) to bore you with school stuff… well I waz in the library (believe it or not I go library ooo) and I wuz facing a big problem… hell no!, not math or physics or any other course for that matter... if you had guessed gurl problem well… BULL’S EYE… I had walked into the library and my fav. seat wuz taken. I looked around and waz going to the right when I noticed a pretty looking laydee on the left… “Damn!!!” I said to myself “why on earth didn’t I see that quickly?” “Nothing spoil” I continued “He never spoil finish” so I continued towardz the right and went round a row of books and then came back to the spot I had seen the laydee. Of course I took a seat close to her and was doing stuff and listening to Naija songs and Gbenga Adeboye (it amuses me cuz I say to myself, “these american folks will flip if they hear what I’m listening to”). Tried reading a novel but wuz gerring bored and den I started drawing. I tried drawing the laydee but she just won’t stay still. So I drew one woman, I’m sure she’d have sued me to court for deformation of image (I didn’t go to law school, the knowledge of the law is inborn… lol). So PL (pretty laydee) wuz studying and I wuz studying too… not notes duuuuh!!! Her face when she wasn’t looking in my direction and she kinda looked cute too physically. One thing you should know bout me is I don’t lyk to “jump”. The norm for guyz’ll be to go over and start small talk but me, never!!! I just kept on looking at PL. then I got tired and decided to take a nap… had to leave my seat and went to take a more comfortable one… woke up and I waz in luck PL wuz still there… decided to go sit close to her, closer than I wuz before. But a voice kept saying to me “o ni fe te!!! berra sit down wia you are…” and I did. After awhile PL left with a friend who had joined her and I said to myself “the great jonjon has once again messed up” took another nap… and woke up… oh yeah!!! PL wuz there… Then a voice (not that first wicked one ooo) said “jonjon ashe oo tie le(you no tough reash)” so to prove this voice wrong I decided I waz gonna tlk to PL even if it’ll jus be Hi!!! Then the trauma started… standing up con turn wahala… my whole soul could have gone outta my body and the flesh wouldn’t have flinched… twaz rigid… then suddenly I stood up… went to the restroom… had to pee kee!!! Went back and resumed my rigid position… time waz running out and I waz feeling lyk tom cruise in mission impossible… just that this waznt a bomb and bad guyz no dey… dad waz supposed to pick me up at 2 o clock and twaz 1.30… “I’ll make my move when itz 1.45”… “at least if I mess up I fit run comot”… 1.50. “I’ll make my move when 1.55”… and then my body told rigidity VAMONOS!!! And bless the Lord it did… so I stood up and went out of the library… and then I turned back… and went in again… and went to sit at PL’s table…



“Hi!”

“Hi, can I help you?”

“I don’t have a problem so I don’t need help”

“Oh! Sorry then”

“Wait! I do have a problem… may I know your name?

“Why would you want to know my name, do you want to arrest me? I didn’t shoot the guy, my friend did”

“N…no…no… (damn! I should have said yes)”

“Then what do you want my name for?”

“I just want to know your name, my name is Rashid”

“so? Wait! are you a terrorist?

“of course not! ok if that’s not okay wiv you can I have your number?”

“What are you? Stupid? I don’t want to give you my name and you think I’ll give you my number?”

“I… I… it… I… I’m sorry”

“You should be, now stop disturbing me and shoo off”

“Ok!”

Didn’t move…

“what’s the problem Mr terrorist”

Just wondering if I can have ur address?”

“Will you shut up and disappear before I call security”

“Yes! I’ll shut up ma’am”

“Are you a Nigerian?”



Ok… now at this point I gotta tell you that before that question “are you a Nigerian?” the conversation wuz being played in my head and I wuz beezee smiling at the stupid idiot messing himself up in my head… it wuz funny… now back to the conversation… the real one….



“yes”… I must tell you though I had thought PL to be a Nigerian too but I waznt sure… plenty people don shock me… people wiv faces of a typical agbero in oshodi would speak wiv an accent lyk dt of will smith… so I waznt sure but with the question I confirmed that I truly am a Nigerian identifier… lol… ok the convo went on and on… dint get her number… when I wanted to ask I remembered the response I had made in my head (what are you? Stupid?) popped up sharp sharp… gat her name though… sounds nice but I cant pronounce it… lol… but koko be say finally I think I just made my first friend.. yeeeeeeeaaaaaaw!!!





Do note though that it dint really go this way… just added a little sugar and salt and magi to make it interesting… hope you enjoyed it… I know I enjoyed writing it… lol… it’s the one and only, the numero uno, the sole and proud and true owner of the name jonjon deboy…. Lol.. saying adios mis amigos… or berra yet.. Asta la vista Baybees (mimickin’ Arnold)…

Little Patience, Large Difference...

I walked on, on the street...

Looking at the road and my feet...

Didn't give the walk my full dedication...

But I had enough concentration...

To have seen the lady coming...

"Won't she move to the side" I was wondering...

'Cause I knew very well that she saw me...

And she was jus trying to act foolishly...

Annoyed, I thought of what to do...

And thoguth of not moving too...

Of course she hit my shoulder...

Then we looked at each other...

"Can't you say sorry? " she said...

I replied "Something's wrong with your head"

"Didn't you see me coming, mad lad?"

"Your own eyes must be bad"

She shouted "You must be stupid & blind"

"Idiot! Talk to my behind"

At this point people were already gathering...

Started to walk away didn't want a scene...

She pulled me back, tearing off my shirt...

I then tore off a part of her skirt...

She took out a scissors & shredded my trousers...

I had nothing on but my singlet & boxers...

I was obviously very angry...

But I didn't want to beat a lady...

'Cause I thought myself to be a gentleman...

So I said "Stop acting crazy, woman!"

She said "I'm not only crazy, I'm also wicked"

With that she tore off my boxers leaving me naked...

At this point my dear reader...

I had no choice whatsoever...

But to thank God I had actually moved...

And none of these things happened...